Kei Does In Fact Exist

Essay: Mental Health.

Context: This is something I wrote over a year ago whilst dealing with a lot of internal struggles. This was posted on 2024-07-31. It is unfinished, however I do not plan on continuing this.

*Opening*

Something I always strive for is to breathe and feel the air leave my lungs with no resistance. To unload all of my problems in a single exhale and feel as if I am far more mentally aware than I was on the inhale prior. However, severe depression, along with a plethora of other mental illnesses, often gets in the way of achieving this mental clarity, not just for me but for countless others as well. It's a pervasive challenge that many face on a daily basis, making the pursuit of living comfortably seem impossible. This isn't a minority sample; over the past decade, the prominence and openness of social media platforms have created an environment that can be compared to a large Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but with beer on tap. Creating, what is essentially a never-ending cycle.

*Social Media*

Social media stands out as a driving force for every form of expression, be it art, emotions, love, or hatred. Despite the amount of raw human experience that can be contained within these platforms, the space often becomes muddled with chaos and self-hatred. What furthers the issue is that these platforms thrive off the negative mental states, that they perpetually feed into. The design of these platforms ensures that escape becomes challenging, and the incentive structures often push users toward over-usage until it becomes a consuming void in their lives.

The integral parts of some platforms and their underlying motives to push the user to “doom-scroll” can be summed up as simply, evil. Pure evil, and what else will you do? Leave the platform? Your friends are all there, so are you going to be the weird outcast who lives in a shed with no active social media presence? Of course not, you’re going to download Snapchat, oh but your mom wants you to keep up with the family and send you wordy reposts about how great of a son you are. Speaking of ‘Gram, you have to keep up with the boys, who all use Instagram. These platforms aren’t very in-the-now, so you have to get Twitter as well, to see what Elon is up to. In this symbiotic relationship, social media is feeding you just as you are feeding it. After all, you would never bite the hand that feeds you right?

*Aestheticizing*

Depression and its associated mental disorders aren't exactly a walk in the park. It's not an experience to be trivialized. Oftentimes, people observe others downplaying their depression and dismiss it as a cry for attention. Few bother to question the underlying reasons behind such displays. Many individuals engaging in this behavior are using it as a coping mechanism, not attempting to turn depression into a statement. Depression acts like a relentless parasite, gripping onto every aspect of life and subtly influencing one's personality and aesthetic preferences. Grasping the true motivations behind these expressions can cultivate understanding and pave the way for meaningful discussions about mental health.

Even when you break it down to the most basic level, the portrayal of mental illness remains somewhat stylized. Take, for instance, a frown. A frown communicates a message on its own, a non-verbal statement. When you see someone frowning, the automatic assumption is that they're sad or going through a tough time. People express their emotions outwardly, wearing their feelings on their faces to signal their internal state. In contrast to smiles, the human brain tends to find expressions of sadness unappealing. There's an instinctive urge to look away from a frown. In this situation, it all boils down to appearances, and some individuals may choose to wear their emotional state not as a badge of pride but as a way to be vocal about their struggles.

*Physical Depression*

The impact of depression and mental health extends beyond the psychological headspace. The daily loop, from waking up in the morning to attending work or school and returning home, can feel like a daunting and monotonous series of repetitive tasks. To someone mentally well, these actions may appear innocuous and routine, but for individuals grappling with depression, it can resemble a four-walled prison on a Möbius strip. It's like being on a treadmill gradually losing pace, with nothing to grasp onto to regain speed. Coinciding with that, the ever-present influence of beauty standards, via social media, constantly thrown in everyone's faces contributes to the alarming rise of body dysmorphia. According to recent research on the fluid perception of beauty and its connection to mental health from “Psychology of Aesthetics”, exposure to social media plays a significant role in worsening body image concerns and overall contributing to conditions like body dysmorphic disorder or BDD.

Coping with mental illness may appear obvious to the outsider, but it's not as simple as deciding to change one's life with one jump. The conditions leave individuals stun-locked, unsure of how to fix their situation. The canvas of mental illness has enclosed them, and now they find themselves trapped in its frame. There isn't much they feel they can do on their own, for depression has confined and tethered them. Even the most ordinary tasks can transform into large mountains instead of manageable hills, their peaks offering anything but a sense of accomplishment or reward.

*Creativity*

The basis of a burnout often stems from depression, and for some, it’s the complete opposite. Some might be left in a much more creatively viable state of mind despite the mental issues that are ever-so prominent within them. On a personal level, I feel this. I can’t write when I’m happy. More often than not, I am not happy. You will always hear stories of struggling artists, dealing with health issues galore, but when it comes to mentally-well adjusted artists you will never really hear anything about them. To an outsider, it’s the innate magnetization and attraction to dramatic scenery that leaves them captured in awe at the works of someone who is in reality, in need of major help. Yet if we flip perspectives, the artist only views themselves as worthless. If not completely hopeless, they still hold some sort of self-pity viewing themselves as lower than other artists.

*Sources*

#essay