Vent: Okay Nevermind
It seems despite my optimism and hope towards Lexapro and it's potential upsides, the downsides are borderline torture. It has been blocking a lot of anxiety and underlying negative emotions which is amazing, and along with the usual side-effects it was fine but it continued to get worse. My insomnia has worsened now and after upping the dose after a month it seems I now sleep nearly 14 HOURS during the day. Not very nice.
I wake up still feeling tired each time and no amount of caffeine can sustain even an ounce of energy. My mood is noticeably worsened after the increase in dosage so I want to try going back down to see if I can possibly recover and float around the original amount I was taking. The intrusive thoughts of death and self-harm have worsened as well, and the sick stomach feeling is growing with each day. If this isn't related to the meds I am going to have something majorly wrong with me, I hope not!
It really sucks with the intrusive thoughts more-so because they are far more vivid than they were prior. To the point where I have guilt from actions I have not committed purely because they feel so real in my head. Yeah, let's just say I took the drugs and the drugs are NOT working.